Friday, December 9, 2016

90-10 Principle


Consider a situation: You're eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears.

After scolding her, you turn to your wife and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your wife must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 80 km an hour in a 60 kmph speed limit. After a 15 minute delay and paying a $60 traffic fine, you arrived at school. Your daughter runs to the building without saying good-bye.

After arriving at the office 30 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to going home. When you arrive home you find a small wedge in your relationship with your wife and daughter. Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning.

Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the traffic policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?

The answer is D.

You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day. Here is what could have and should have happened. Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say "It's OK honey, you just need to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase. You come back down in time look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You and your wife kiss before you both go to work. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good a day you are having. Notice the difference. Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different. Why? Because of how you REACTED. You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% is determined by your reaction.

Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 secret:

If someone says something negative about you, do not be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you! Respond properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out, etc.


-- Author Unknown

 

Friday, December 2, 2016

Life


To anyone with kids, of any age, or anyone who has ever been a kid, here's some advice Bill Gates dished out at a high school speech about 11 things they did not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good politically correct teachings created a full generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

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Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it.

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone, until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait until you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping - they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So, before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents' generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life (nor are video games). In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.


-- Bill Gates
 

Friday, November 25, 2016

A Hundred Reasons to Laugh


I read that a child laughs 400 times a day on the average, while an adult laughs only 15 times. Which puzzles me – what do you think the children are laughing at?

During one particularly dark period of my life I didn't laugh even 15 times a day. Not nearly. For a variety of reasons, ranging from anxiety in my personal life to overwork and exhaustion, I was depressed. I may not yet have recognized it as depression (later I did), but now I can see that the signs were there.

My self-loathing surfaced once when I found myself driving alone on a cold Spring afternoon to spend a couple of days with colleagues on a work-related planning session. “I don't have time for this!” I said out loud, and berated myself for not saying no. I was leaving my spouse to contend with children by herself while my daily work piled up in my absence. I felt submerged by an ocean of problems, professional and personal, with no chance of finding any way out. Everything looked bleak.

I met my colleagues for supper the first evening. To my surprise, we sat around the dinner table telling funny stories. We related real-life incidents that had happened to each of us. I had to admit, even in my despondency, that it was good to laugh. And those turned out to be some of the funniest stories I had ever heard! My anxiety melted as I relaxed and I found myself laughing hard – harder than I'd laughed for years.

The next day we worked, but we also played. We invented games using whatever recreational equipment we could lay our hands on. The sheer fun of playing, something else I hadn't done for far too long, awakened something within me I thought I might never feel again.

The following day I returned home and I felt better than I had in months. Though it eventually took a lifestyle change to lift the depression for good, laughter became a key ingredient of that change. I determined then and there that a therapy of laughter would become a permanent part of my life. I've held to it, and have found that regular and hearty laughter is essential if I want to maintain inner peace and good health.

I had discovered a great truth about laughter – it is good for the body, the mind and the spirit. It's a natural stress reliever. Have you ever laughed so hard that you doubled over, fell off your chair, spit out your food or wet your pants? (Yes, I'm not proud to say, I have.) You just cannot maintain muscle tension when you are laughing.

Author Norman Cousins used to say that laughter is so beneficial for your body that it is like “inner jogging.” Numerous studies have shown that laughter is good for your heart, it boosts your immune system and promotes overall good health.

The good news is that you are not limited to 15 laughs a day. You're allowed hundreds of laughs. What might happen if you doubled the usual adult rate and tried to laugh 30 times today? Can you do it? You'll probably notice an immediate difference in how you feel.

Then try to laugh 50 times a day. By this time you will begin to notice an improvement in your relationships.

But don't stop there. What if you could find 100 reasons to laugh every day? You can do it by surrounding yourself with people you feel good around, looking for humor in daily life, taking a minute to remember what's funny and even keeping a journal of whatever makes you happy.

Find 100 reasons to laugh. You are bound to feel better, you will cope with problems more effectively and people will enjoy being around you.

Besides unhappiness, what do you have to lose?


-Steve Goodier (Life Support System)

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Just Three Words



There are many things that you can do to strengthen your relationships. Often the most effective thing you can do involves saying just three words. When spoken sincerely, these statements often have the power to develop new friendships, deepen old ones and even bring healing to relationships that have soured.

The following three-word phrases can be tools to help develop every relationship.

1. Let me help
Good friends see a need and then try to fill it. When they see a hurt they do what they can to heal it. Without being asked, they jump in and help out.

2.  I understand you.
People become closer and enjoy each other more when the other person accepts and understands them. Letting your spouse know - in so many  little ways - that you understand them, is one of the most powerful tools for healing your relationship. And this can apply to any relationship.

3.  I respect you
Respect is another way of showing love. Respect demonstrates that another person is a true equal.  If you talk to your children as if they were adults you will strengthen the bonds and become closer friends.  This applies to all interpersonal relationships.

4.  I miss you.
Perhaps more marriages could be saved and strengthened if couples simply and sincerely said to each other "I miss you."  This powerful affirmation tells partners they are wanted, needed, desired and loved.  Consider how important you would feel, if you received an unexpected phone call from your spouse in the middle of your workday, just to say "I miss you."

5.  Maybe you're right.
This phrase is very effective in diffusing an argument.  The implication when you say "maybe you're right" is the humility of admitting, "maybe  I'm wrong".  Let's face it.  When you have an argument with someone,  all you normally do is solidify the other person's point of view. They, or you, will not likely change their position and you run the risk of seriously  damaging the relationship between you.  Saying "maybe you're right" can open the door to explore the subject more.  You may then have the opportunity to express your view in a way that is understandable to the other person.
 
6. Please forgive me
Many broken relationships could be restored and healed if people would admit their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. All of us are vulnerable to faults, foibles and failures. A man should never be ashamed to own up that he has been in the wrong, which is saying, in other words, that he is  wiser today than he was yesterday.

7.   I thank you.
Gratitude is an exquisite form of courtesy. People who enjoy the companionship of good, close friends are those who don't take daily courtesies for granted. They are quick to thank their friends for their many expressions of kindness. On the other hand, people whose circle of  friends is severely constricted often do not have the attitude of gratitude.

8.  Count on me
A friend is one who walks in when others walk out. Loyalty is an essential ingredient for true friendship.  It is the emotional glue that bonds people. Those that are rich in their relationships tend to be steady and true friends. When troubles come, a good friend is there indicating "you can count on me."

9.   I'll be there
If you have ever had to call a friend in the middle of the night, to take a sick child to hospital, or when your car has broken down some miles from home, you will know how good it feels to hear the phrase "I'll be there." Being there for another person is the greatest gift we can give. When we are truly present for other people, important things happen to them and  us.  We are renewed in love and friendship. We are restored emotionally  and spiritually. Being there is at the very core of civility.

10.  Go for it
We are all unique individuals. Don't try to get your friends to conform to your ideals.  Support them in pursuing their interests, no matter how far out they seem to you.  God has given everyone dreams, dreams that are unique to that person only. Support and encourage your friends to follow their dreams.  Tell them to "go for it."

Bonus:

11.  I love you
Perhaps the most important three words that you can say. Telling someone that you truly love them satisfies a person's deepest emotional needs. The need to belong, to feel appreciated and to be wanted. Your spouse,  your children, your friends and you, all need to hear those three little  words: "I love you."  Love is a choice.  You can love even when the feeling  is gone.

12.  GOD BLESS YOU!
(These are 3 words too, right?)


-- Author Unknown